Liberation Is An Inside Job

Yesterday, I talked to fifty female entrepreneurs about the benefits of regulating your internal state (rather than allowing your mind to drag you down twenty-seven miles of gravel like a chained-up tire).

I started with an example I often use — when the email that sends you into outer space pops up in your inbox.

The irony? I made the rookie mistake of checking my email that morning before heading to the venue.

Yup, there it was. An email chock-full of condescension and lack of personal responsibility, and now the time I’d set aside to clear my desk quickly dissolved into my boiling blood.

Brushing my lashes with mascara, my dis-regulated brain strung words of response together. To give you a flavor, it went something like this:

“You picked the wrong bitch to gaslight, M*****F***er.”

I know it’s not pretty; that’s why I share it.

When someone crosses a boundary or is rude or projecting all manner of ridiculousness onto you, the first thing NOT to do is to spend time thinking about how to respond or what to say.

This robs you of your serenity, and why would you want to go and do a thing like that?

I pulled back and asked myself a couple of global questions,

“Who do you want to be, Abby?”
“Do you want to be a raving lunatic? A nasty, ego-driven, mean-spirited witch?”
“Is that the energy you’d like to experience all day?”

I could tell by the clenched fist in my gut that neither my brain nor my body would let me off easy. I smeared on my lipstick, all while drumming zingers of wisdom to impart.

With little material change by the time the coffee brewed, I had to put my efforts into high gear. I did a centering exercise, a breathing exercise, and listened to twenty-seven different audio clips (one for each mile of gravel road) connecting me to a higher purpose, and mind you, all of this was necessary even after I’d taken a cold shower an hour before.

Eventually, I came out alive long enough to hear a different voice.

This person knows not what they do, nor am I here to shame, counter-condescend or make anyone feel bad, which in turn would make me feel bad. I don’t need to defend or explain myself, and I don’t need to use my psychoanalytic training to “enlighten” this person, no matter how hard my ego begs me to do so.

That rookie mistake got me the email I got to begin with — I had taken the bate the night before. (In case you’re wondering, any response other than kindly stating your needs in these situations is taking the bait; in most cases, it’s unnecessary to say anything because you won’t get anywhere anyway).

The mission, should we choose to accept it, is a relentless focus on our inner state.

• Decide what does and does not work for you.
• BE the person who is treated the way you want to be treated (hint: that person doesn’t have time to indulge in anyone else’s drama or narrative).

But, my friends, there is no airline unloading spot for higher consciousness (the ability to overcome yourself). At no point do you get to pull out your luggage and lock the trunk once and for all because the Arrivals ramp goes on forever. It’s how we’re wired.

The road may be less gravelly at points, and you may upgrade your 1975 VW Rabbit for a 2023 Lexus (in stages), but there will always be a new milestone, a new level of outrage, so to speak.

I am the creator of the material I shared yesterday, and yet, there I was at 7:00 AM battling a fury that threatened to rob me and the people I was going to serve.

We have little control over the people in our lives — how they interpret and warp situations. We only have control over our decision to self-regulate, and while my stress-rattled mind may want all manner of justice and putting people in their place, I’m more interested in liberation.

That’s why I dropped all items I’d planned to check off my list and, instead, labored all morning to free myself. Not everyone needs to know what an idiot they’re being, nor does having them see the light do squat for our own evolution.

Not every spat needs to be sorted, and there are some things that the people in our lives can’t understand anyway because, as a species, we’re not very good at seeing ourselves and, even worse, at taking responsibility.

I managed to quash my primal instincts and align with my higher self for the better part of my day. It killed my ego to do so. It didn’t go quietly, and I had to drag my body to the gym to shake myself loose again when I got home from the event.

I’m happy to report as of this moment, the beast lies docile, and the rest of me knows this challenge was put in my path as an opportunity. I can already see the gifts of clarity I’m receiving as a result, but in case you hadn’t noticed…meditating, breathing, cold-showering, listening to inspiration, and going to the gym weren’t quite enough to extinguish the trigger, so I’m adding writing to the arsenal.

The Point? Focus on your inner world. Hold your gaze there and do whatever it takes to free yourself because you’re the only one who can do it.

#LiberationIsAnInsideJob